All the new kits for the 2014 – 15 premier league season

Southampton

“The stripes are back!” Southampton announced when they launched their new kit. And they’re not messing around: you even get a choice of vertical (home) or horizontal (away) stripes this season.

Stoke City

Stoke saved quite a lot of money on their away kits this season by buying up a load of Arsenal third kits which hadn’t printed properly, turning them inside out, and popping on a new badge. Genius!

The photographer tasked with making the very dull home strip look interesting decided that three exploding chimneys would do the job nicely. And who’s to say he or she was wrong?

Sunderland

One day, Sunderland’s shirt designers will realise that the club’s ‘Black Cats’ nickname gives them a great opportunity to come up with an exotic and exciting shirt. Today is not that day.

Swansea

The Swans otherwise solid shirts are still encumbered by those crackpot advertisers’ logos carrying the strangest and most indecipherable writings since the Dead Sea Scrolls turned up in that cave.

Tottenham

No complaints or comments for the home kit, but are we really the only ones puzzled by the ‘guitar string’ look on that away kit? We await with keen interest a fully-functioning musical version which will let fans play ‘Stairway to Heaven’ on the terraces as Mauricio Pochettino leads them to the title. Or ‘Paint it Black’ when they end up in the bottom half of the table. Either way, really.

West Brom

Full credit to the Baggies for turrning their new kit into a party featuring the winner of a Michael Sheen lookalike contest, Ben Foster in training for a post-football career as a traffic policeman, and a man paranoid about underarm odour.
West Ham

A very nice retro look for the Hammers’ kits this year. I’m sure they had this exact thing back in 1989 or thereabouts. It’s a bit like getting your new car tax disc and being sure that they’ve used the same colour a few years back.

According to ES

All the new kits for the 2014 – 15 premier league season

Hull City Tigers

No surpises with the main kit, but that goalie kit – what a showing! Looking like a bizarre mish-mash of Dairy Milk and Quality Street, Hull have produced the finest purple gear since the heyday of the Roman Senate. Magnificent. And the perfect answer to the question posed earlier in the Aston Villa pic.
Here’s another look at that purple magnificence. What striker would dare put a shot past that keeper? Surely, Hull will go through the season unbeaten; the Untouchable Tigers are ready to claim a unique place in football history.

Leicester City

We’ve yet to decide if “King Power” is some sort of washing powder, kids’ cartoon or a forthcoming menu item at a Chinese takeaway in Leicester city centre. (“Can I get a King Power Chicken and veggie chow mein please?”). What we can say without fear of contradiction is that it’s not good news when your funny sponsor’s name is more interesting than the kit it’s splashed across.
Liverpool

Liverpool’s three kits for the season, all lined up together.

Here’s a look at the main red kit: classic, understated, a throwback to the glory days of the 1980s side.

Unlike their home kit, Liverpool’s third kit is not classic or understated or anything. Instead, they’re asking their players to get kitted out in giant boxes of Kleenex.

Manchester City

Just like the champions themselves, good looking and slick – particularly the dark blue change kit with the whole dithered colour thing going on.

Manchester United

Ye Gods, what have they done with the size of that ridiculous logo? The more svelte players on the team will find the C and T of Chevrolet stretching round under their armpits from the looks of things.

You can’t argue with success, though: no doubt using those awful Chevy logos as aiming targets for long-range passes, United have looked very good in pre-season. And as this photo shows, it’s the only United shirt that Marouane Fellaini has scored in.

Newcastle United

Let’s leave aside the bizarre plunging neckline for the home kit and concentrate on the fact that the awful away kit looks more like a pajama t-shirt top that you’d find in the sale at Marks & Spencers.

QPR

Remember when Joey Barton was persona non grata at QPR after getting himself sent off in crazy circumstances on the last day of the season two years ago? Now, he’s the main face on their kit photo shoot.

According to ES

All the new kits for the 2014 – 15 premier league season
Arsenal

The little-used fourth kit, aka the ‘flag held aloft in celebration’ gear, as modelled after the Community Shield. But will the Gunners’ get another chance to use it again this season?
The Gunners’ three kits for the season are decent, standard stuff – except for the third kit, which is absolutely brilliant. The blue-on-blue “barber’s pole” design is an inspiration.

Aston Villa

No major changes here – but tell us this, football fans. Why are goalies’ replica kits even made? Does ANYBODY actually buy them? Especially when they’re just plain, dull green like you had to wear at school?
Burnley

The Clarets will turn up in the Premier League this season wearing their traditional claret and blue. And no doubt feeling like a girl turning up to a party in the same dress that two people are wearing, thanks to Villa and West Ham using such similar hues.
Chelsea

Chelsea. The Blues. Where can you really go with that? Nowhere, you’d think, but somehow the kit designers have still managed to make it stripey.
Crystal Palace

Following the departure of Tony Pulis, these will be the colours worn by the Eagles in their final Premier League season for many years to come.
Everton

Not sure if the whole Chinese shirt collar thing is for some sort of performance enhancing reason. If not, then WHY?

According to ES